SURPRISE!!! Baby #3 is on the way!!!!!!!

If you know me, even just a little, you know that I love kids, and deeply desire more of my own. Poor Scott, when I met him, I exuberantly stated that I wanted nothing to do with children. But God gently guided me into a life and a ministry at home that is not only fulfilling, but daily draws me closer to Jesus. I want nothing more than to minister to my family by serving them, being obedient to God, and living a life of Truth.

Scott and I have struggled in the past couple of years to unify our long term family goals. Mostly, how many children would we like to have? I have sinfully felt wronged somehow - that my sweet husbands contentment with just two kids would affect my joy in having more. So my prayers this past year have centered on the hope that God would either soften Scott's heart towards the idea of more kids, or that the longing in my heart for a third baby would subside. Mostly praying that God would unify our hearts, and our desires, and that those desires would be in accordance with His plan for our lives. Even greater than these prayers, I have prayed that our joy would only be found in Jesus, in the gospel, and in Truth; and that God will somehow use my life to bring glory to his awesome name!

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Scott and I decided about a year ago that we would suspend the baby discussions and revisit the idea when Gavin turns two -after lots of prayer on each of our parts! I was hopeful that by that time, God would have unified our hearts and desires regarding how big or small our family should be! I still joke with Scott and talk to him on occasion about wanting another baby because truth be told, that desire is still there. But in the depths of my heart I have strong conviction that I am obeying God when I am submissive to my husband. It is thrilling to see and feel God working on both of our hearts. The same God that "spreads out the northern skies over empty space and suspends the earth over nothing" cares deeply about our intimate thoughts and feelings!

But God has a way of reminding us that regardless of our desires, and regardless of OUR timing, HE is the one in control!

("Many are the plan's in a man's heart, but it's the Lord's purpose that prevails." Prov. 19:21)

We may set goals, develop timelines, make plans, and desire a certain outcome for our life; but no one can deliver out of God's hand.

("Yes, and from ancient days I am he. No one can deliver out of my hand. When I act, who can reverse it?"Isaiah 43:12)

No one can thwart the plans of a Sovereign God!

("I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted." Job 42:2 )

What a sweet and comforting reminder it is that we are not in control! God loves his precious children - and withholds nothing that is good for us!

("...no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless" Psalms 84:11)

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Scott and I are a year away from our "target date" ie: the big baby talk! Should we, or shouldn't we have another baby?! And what, we wonder, does God have planned for our family? Since we have been in a place of unknown and indecision, it was obvious that we would utilize prevention. In our small minds, this would basically ensure that we would have until next summer to make our decision. But God is BIGGER than our plans, and even our prevention!

Last Wednesday morning (7/21/10), after being out on the town with 30 City View ladies, and promoting how great my prevention method of choice was, I woke up in a sweat. And I KNEW I was pregnant! Then it occurred to me that I'd been having sinus, I was hungry all the time, and I was really emotional. Not to mention that earlier in the week two separate friends returned my maternity clothes to me within two days of each other... I remember joking that it was a sign! Even the Dollar Store test confirmed my suspicions - that we were going to have another precious little baby! I was SO excited and shocked! Scott was at work so I savored the joy of pregnancy alone. Just me, the little life inside of me, and our Creator. It was a sweet moment! At the same time, I felt anxious about how Scott would react to this big news. I knew that I didn't want to call him at work, so I had the entire day to wait - and pray! I prayed continually; I prayed that God would soften Scott's heart towards the idea of having a new baby. I prayed that Scott would be elated at the news! I prayed that God would speak to the depths of his soul that day, and even fill him with desire for another little baby.

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Once the boys were tucked into their beds, I offered Scott a stiff drink : ) To my surprise, he said no. I was nervous, but excited to tell him the news, especially since it's likely that it will be the last time I will get to surprise him with news of a new baby. "Well, I don't really know how to tell you this except to say that I took a positive pregnancy test this morning" I stuttered. I'm sure that my words were jumbled because of my nerves. In his face, there was momentary shock; but as quickly as it appeared it was replaced by an understanding that this baby is a sweet little gift from our Creator. "Okay!" he said, "If this is God's plan for us, this is what we'll do! It will be wild and crazy, but fun!" Then the seriousness turned to genuine excitement! Scott wanted to look at the Chinese Gender calendar to predict the sex, then he wanted to jot down names that we like! He held me in his arms and prayed over the baby and I. God was so faithful - He boldly and quickly answered my prayers from that morning! Scott mentioned that on his way home from work he was thinking to himself, "Do I really NOT want more children?" We were so very excited together that evening - we wondered if you would be a boy or a girl, we thought of tons of names that we like- we spent time basking in the delight of such a wonderful gift!

I will admit that the few days following the positive pregnancy test, I was battling guilt. Precious friends of mine have recently lost their babies; I don't know what that feels like, but I mourn for them. I am certainty no more deserving of a baby than they are. In my heart, I know that He lays out different paths and has different purposes for each of his children, and he challenges us not to compare our situation with others. Jesus even rebukes Peter in John 21 asking him - what is that (the plans that I have for him) to you? YOU follow ME. Jesus has gently reminded me in the past few days that while I mourn their loss, I can still experience joy while being sensitive to their situation.

Sin and selfishness has imprisoned my heart in another way. I've been feeling a little sorrowful knowing that this will likely be my last pregnancy and baby - knowing that this season of my life is coming to an end. I cherish having little life inside of me, and I adore having a little tiny baby in the house. Being pregnant for the third time likely means that I don't have this experience to look forward to again (I'm pretty sure that I can't convince Scott to have FOUR kids, so unless God intervenes again....). It solidifies the fact that this phase will soon end. I will be moving on from a time of life that I love so very much. But if I love this so much, how much more will I love the other things that God has prepared for me? And is my hope in loving being pregnant and having a newborn, or is my hope truly in Jesus? If I truly trust my Savior and desire to obey him then I should not question him and the plan that he has for me.

("For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future." Jer 29:11)

("For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways", says the Lord. "For as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55 :8-9)

God is continually sanctifying us. Each walk of life has purpose! And letting go of this phase means that I get to experience future blessings!

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As I was praying over my little boys late last night, God reminded me that being pregnant and having children is a privilege, not a right. I am in no way entitled to anything, but everything is a generous gift from my Maker. Our God is good, and his timing is perfect! After meditating on Truth, and the sweet reminders from Jesus that his plans for me are better than my own, I am able to put aside any guilt or sorrow and fully experience IMMENSE JOY and PEACE! We are SO thrilled for this new baby! We absolutely could not be more excited! I am in love with His workmanship being hand knit in my womb! Precious little baby number 3 - we LOVE you and we can't wait to snuggle you in our arms!

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Laying in bed with Blane the other night, I mentioned to him that there was a baby in my belly. He lifts up my shirt and says, "Where Mommy?" He pushed on my tummy all over trying to see or feel something. It was a wonderful opportunity to tell him of the miracle that God is working on. I asked him, "Blane do you want a baby boy or a baby girl?" He thought about it for a minute, and replied matter of factly, "How about baby Gavin?" Then he exclaimed, "Does Daddy have a baby in his belly too?!!!"